I was at the Siren Music Festival in Coney Island last Saturday and my buddy Seth Herzog and I took a great picture together with the most beautifully handcrafted men that I’ve ever set my eyes on. The men I’m talking about are The City Gym guys.
Long before the picture was taken I was with another buddy and we saw the city gym guys posing with semi-desperate women and children, selling and signing their calendars and all I wanted to do was go up to them and pose with them with my shirt off. I thought that that might not be a good idea because they could take it as me making fun of them and then use their ripped muscles to dismantle my silliness right in front of about ten thousand people.
I couldn’t believe how many women went crazy over them! It was like the Chippensteins- I mean CHIPPENDALES from the early eighties dancing in front of a group of women at a bachelorette party. I mean women were going NUTS over these shirtless and super confident guys.
Anyway, it wasn’t till much later in the day when I ran into Seth and his buddy Joel and The City Gym guys walked by us and I knew that I found the perfect person to go balls-out with me on the photo op. That’s when Seth and I ran the boys down and asked to pose with them for a picture. We immediately start taking off our shirts and we asked them if it was all right if we posed shirtless. To my complete surprise they all (well, two of the four) said it was totally fine. Not one punch or scratch from any of the City Gym guys. They weren’t even phased in the least that a couple pasty-white comedians invited themselves into their power-bodied party just so we can both blog about it and show all of our friends how ballsy we were. I was kinda hoping for just a LITTLE resistance! Maybe a quick, “Who the fuck do you think we are?!” so I would have to put on the charm and talk both Seth and myself out of getting our asses kicked. No, it was about as smooth as it could be.
Anyway, if I knew how to post videos on my Dear Diarrhea I would also post the short video of the City Gym guys walking through the crowd right before we took the picture below. You gotta see the cockiness in real life to appreciate the photo. I’ll try to add the video later.
Anyway, here it is!
By the way, if you’re like me you can only see written on the calendar “City Gym” and all of their hands are covering the last word. I chose “guys” as the last word to describe the calendar. Who knows, it could be something like, “city gym angels” or “city gym, make-a-wish foundation”- something that is super positive that will come back to me and shake up my karma.
Oh well…
I’m hoping to clean out my backpack today at some point. I was fishing in one of the five pockets on my LL Bean school-sized backpack for something to pick my teeth with and I happened upon some old earplugs that I really want to wash and use again. It might sound gross but I know if I just boil them in hot water (I don’t know why people say that. If you boil something in water you might just as well drop the “hot” out of the sentence all together. Maybe I’m the only one that does that, I don’t know…) the earplugs would be just as good as new. I know it’s just as easy to throw the old ones away but I welcome the challenge.
My GF freaks out when I boil the kitchen sponge when it gets smelly and germ filled instead of buying a new one. If you haven’t tried to boil your smelly sponge you should try it now. Put this Dear Diarrhea down for a second and go into the kitchen, smell the shit out of your nasty sponge, toss it into boiling water along with three drops of bleach for five minutes and then smell it and tell me what you think (make sure you wash the boiling hot water out of it before you place it on your tender nostrils. This seems like common sense but trust me, I bet I see upwards to THIRTEEN burnt noses at my next show!). I bet I know what you’re thinking- this Bobby character is Kah-razy! Just try it for yourself and then take the day off next time you need to log “sponge purchases” into Quicken on your computer. It’s amazing how long you can make a sponge last with a little boiling water and a few drops of ble-otch! As long as the scrubby part is in good shape you can make a sponge last for upwards to SEVEN YEARS!!! Okay, more like three months- still really good.
Oh, back to my earplugs! So I think I can boil all the dirt and wax out of the plugs much like I would with my kitchen sponge. All an earplug is, is a little sponge anyway, but instead of soaking up water it soaks up sound.
I think I will do a before and after for you right now just to prove my point on the power of boiling water….
Here are the earplugs that I found in the bottom of my backpack.
Notice that they are pretty darn filthy and waxy. Not to mention all the old crappy sounds of Bushwick, Brooklyn that are stuck inside the nasty earplugs that will contaminate my sensitive ears if I don’t boil them. I bet if I squeezed these things between my fingers right now I would be able to hear about twenty car alarms go off, a couple dozen teenagers screaming at each other in Spanish, and over a hundred farts and night-terror screams. So you can see that these things need some immediate attention.
Just put the used earplugs and a few drops of bleach in a pot of boiling water for five minutes…
… and this is what you get! Good as new and even more sterile than when you pulled them from the package! Just take a look at them!
And not an iota of noise to be squeezed out of them!
