I went to a cool party last night and there was free food and drinks all night long. I like parties like that more than the ones where you have to pay to attend and bring your own food and drinks… That seems like a no-brainer right? Well you are correct!
I want to open up a fancy club and call it Bouncers and it will be the most unique club in the city. It’s more of a place that you go to once and then tell a friend to go to it just to experience what you experienced. Here is what you get when you go to Bouncers…. Here, I’ll put this experience into a scene for you…
We open on a young couple, Alex and Allison, walking up 9th avenue towards 18th street where Bouncers Bar and Grille is. They both look sharp as a nail- dressed in their respected club outfits. Allison’s heels are tapping to the hip and confident beat that the two exude as they stroll towards a couple of large spotlights cutting through the crisp night air. There is something BIG going down tonight at Bouncers and now everyone within five miles can follow the lights to what the reviews are calling “The most interesting club experience in decades!”
ALEX- I wonder how much electricity is wasted on those spot lights?
Seems like a huge waste of resources if you ask me.
ALLISON- We’re not talking about stuff like that tonight, remember?
We are just gonna let loose tonight and not worry about a thing. (she playfully slaps his butt) Come on! Let’s hurry, I have to pee like a mad woman!
They hurry ahead toward the spotlights, laughing and giggling like a couple of school girls.
Just as they get to the corner of 18th and 9th Ave, they are stopped by a beefy looking guy dressed in black, wearing a headset and a flashlight around his neck.
GUY- Excuse me guys? Are you looking for Bouncers?
ALEX- Yes?… Why?
The guy uses his flashlight and points toward the middle of the block.
GUY- It’s about half a block thataway. Just follow the velvet rope and when you see two massive spotlights, you’ll see Bouncers across the street from them. See those spots in the air?
No shit? You mean the spotlights that you can see from Georgia?
Allison is a little too nice to say that.
ALLISON- Ummm, yeah… We can see the lights, thanks.
They smile and giggle off toward Bouncers following a velvet rope that’s almost a block long.
ALEX- Good God, how long do they expect the line to go? Haven’t seen a velvet rope this long since James Frey came to Borders to re-promote his new fiction, “Forty-five Pieces”…
ALLISON- (laughing) Good one, honey… You should write that one down.
ALEX- Oh, I did already…
A very large man is standing in the middle of the sidewalk. He, too is wearing all black with headset and flashlight get-up as the earlier fellow. He holds his hand out to stop Alex and Allison.
MAN- Whoa whoa whoaaaaa… Slow down, guys.
He pulls on his flashlight and it snaps off into his hand. You can tell that this is his favorite thing to do and he does it with flare like a well oiled drill sergeant.
MAN CONT- Are you guys going to Bouncers?
ALEX- Yes.
MAN- (pointing with his flashlight) Just follow the same path as you were before. Head towards those two spotlights over there-
ALEX- And it’s across the street from the lights.
MAN- Don’t put words in my mouth!
Both are shocked at his reaction
ALLISON- Thanks… we’ll just go to the club now…
They slowly slide past the man as if at any minute he would grab one of them and snap their neck.
ALEX- Have a good evening…
The man just stares at them stone faced. As they walk away they whisper to each other and squeeze each others hands really tight.
ALEX- Oh my God, that was the weirdest thing-
MAN- (shouting) I heard that!
Finally they get to Bouncers. There are four huge bouncers at the door, all looking exactly like the first two. There is no one waiting in line.
Bouncer 1- (holding out a flashlight over his right shoulder) Need to see some I.DEEEEEEE’S…
A & A pull out their ID’s
BOUNCER 1- What do we have heeeeeeerrrrrre…(to another bouncer) Ted. Get a load of this.
He hands Ted Allison’s ID. Ted pulls his flashlight out and holds it over his right shoulder and examines the ID for a few long beats.
ALEX- What seems to be the problem?
BOUNCER 1- Ohhhhh, nothing… HAZEL EYES! Ha haaaaa….
TED- Yeah right! (points flashlight into Alex’s eyes) Don’t look hazel to me.
ALEX- (rubbing his temporarily blind eyes) No shit… My girlfriend has the hazel eyes!
BOUNCER 1- (forced calmness) Don’t raise your voice to us, sir. I don’t think that’s a very good idea.
TED- Yeah. Not a good idea. Isn’t that right, Rich!?
Rich, another beefy bouncer, chimes in.
RICH- Not a good idea, folks… I’d keep your voices down if I were you. Isn’t that right, Doug!?
Doug… well you get it. Same thing.
DOUG- Yeah, not a good idea to raise your voice…. Clay!
Alex and Allison look for another bouncer to pop out from somewhere.
Who was he talking too?
DOUG- (yelling into his headset) Clay!
ALLISON- Is this some sort of joke or something? I’m the one with hazel eyes… (leans in to Bouncer 1)… see?
Bouncer 1 holds his hand out to push Allison away.
BOUNCER 1- Keep your eyes out of this. We’re dealing with something else now. Something that your little friend here needs to understand.
(into his headset) Can we get CLAY, PLEASE?!
All of a sudden, the door flies open and another beefy bouncer runs up to Doug and hands him a glob of modeling clay and then runs back inside.
DOUG- Let me just give you a little example of what happens to people that like to raise their voice to us.
Doug uses his mouth and rips the clay in half. He throws one half to Bouncer 1. They both rhythmically kneed the clay in their hands, staring directly into A&A’s eyes.
BOUNCER 1- Who do you want? Hazel eyes or loud mouth here?
DOUG- I got loudmouth… You’re better with women.
ALEX- (nervous) I think we should just leave now. I’m sorry that I raised my voice…
Grabs Allison’s hand and tries to walk away but is stopped by Rich’s big paws.
RICH- Not so fast, pal. You have a lesson coming your way first. Just stand where you are and be calm.
A&A are really nervous now and don’t want to do anything to harm themselves. They stand and cooperate with the bouncers.
DOUG- Need a couple of lights!
Rich and Ted each hold their flashlights and adjust the beams to put a good wash of light on A&A’s full bodies.
BOUNCER 1- Stay perfectly still guys. Don’t you even THINK about moving or making a sound until we’re done.
Bouncer 1 and Doug quickly make little clay figures of A&A like two very skilled clowns making balloon animals for a child.
Allison starts to shake her legs from side to side. She raises her hand to ask a question.
BOUNCER 1- (surprisingly nice and understanding. Mainly proud of his
work) Yes?
ALLISON- I have to pee like crazy.
BOUNCER 1- We’re almost done and then you can go use the restroom.
ALLISON- Please hurry…
Doug rips the tip of the nail on his pointer finger and uses it to detail his figurine. Brilliant idea and he knows it… He starts to lighten up and is proud of his work too.
DOUG- I’m done, how ‘bout you boss?
BOUNCER 1- I got lucky with the hair… Here, whatcha think?
They both hold out their clay models into the light. They look amazing with perfect detail.
DOUG- Niiiiiiiice… Nice work! (into his headset) Need a Doug and a Bill figurine!
Right after he clicks off his headset, a completely different bouncer comes barreling down the road with his flashlight on. He comes up to Doug hands him a bag and runs off just as fast.
Doug pulls out two figurines, one of himself and one of Bouncer 1 (or Bill)
DOUG- Wait right there guys. (to the other two bouncers) Let’s do this!
He hands them the Bill and Doug clay figurines and they all walk across the street to the huge spotlights.
BILL- Watch and learn, people!
Bill and Doug hold their characters over the light, making the biggest shadow puppet scene in history off the clouds above. Ted and Rich use A&A’s characters and they all do a complete reenactment of A&A coming up to them, raising their voices and whatnot. Finally, after what seems to be a ten minute play in the sky, Doug ends the scene.
DOUG- (shaking his figurine like a puppet as he talks) And THAT’s all you had to say. Now, if you’d like to go inside and pee, just keep your voices down and enjoy the club.
ALLISON- (shaking and screaming from across the street) Does that mean I can go use the restroom now!
DOUG- Yes! (into headset) Let ‘em in!
The doors open. A&A take two steps toward the door and stop. Allison screams.
You see a very long corridor filled with a line of bouncers, spaced about ten feet apart for as far as the eye can see.
The first bouncer at the door raises his flashlight high and cockily over his right shoulder.
BOUNCER- Need to see some I. DEEEEEEEEE’S please.
THE END
I need to make this into a short film! See you guys on the set!
