I’m serious about a lot of things in life. People really don’t know that about me. It’s very true though. I joke a lot about the little things that life has to offer; such as how silly it is when you step into a cab and the driver doesn’t speak English that well and you find yourself laughing and saying “Do what?” to yourself but not letting the gentleman know your poking fun at him because you’re a polite southern boy from Kackalaka. Life is FILLED with jokster moments! I crave those moments just like the next guy comic but there are times when I look in the mirror and say to myself, “Bobby, look me in the eye area for a second. NO, stop focusing on your perfect cheek bone structure. I want you to look me right here in the eye….Stop looking at the piece of dandruff by your ear-okay, flick it off but hurry, I have something VERY important to tell you… Is it off? Jesus, just grab that dandruff rake by the mouthwash and get it out… HURRY!…. Let me look…no, it’s right there by your crown. There it is! Just get it and lets get on with it… Hod up… I…don’t…nope, it’s gone! Look at the comb if you don’t believe me?… I saw it just two seconds ago! It probable fell into the sink… I saw something big and white on the rake…Don’t look in a white sink for a piece of skin! What are you doing?! Let it go and look me in the eye for five friggin’ seconds!!!…Thank you! Okay, this is what I wanted to tell you….Right here please. It doesn’t matter which eye to focus on just pick one before I forget what the hell I want to say to you….YOU’RE MAKING ME DIZZY! STOP IT AND PICK AN EYE! ….Are you kidding me?! There is no possible way to focus on both eyes at the same time. We went over this before… You know what, screw this! Just look at my nose. Look right here at the tip of my nose! ONE focal point….Very good… Listen Bobby, I want to let you know that you are one hell of a jokesmith- DO NOT PLUCK IT ASSHOLE!! PUT YOUR FINGERS DOWN!…Absolutely NOT! LET-THE-HAIR-GO! If you pull it so help me…I’ll never try to have a serious- I SAID DON’T PLUCK IT! Jesus! How many did you get?! That hurt like hell!….Pleeease, for one second look me in my left eye… I’m not crying! You just ripped out hair from my brain for crying loudly! You know what? Just close your eye’s and listen to me… Thank you!… Much better! Now Bobby. This is going to hurt you exactly the same as me… I want to tell you that sometimes in life we happen upon a funny moment. Moments where a good old fashioned judgmental joke is available for the taking. I feel that in these times maybe you could step back from the moment and look at it from- WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT SMELL!? OPEN YOUR EYES! WHAT’S BURNING? GO TURN IT OFF! GO TURN IT OFF!”…. So that’s what happens I guess when you want to “bring it down a notch” with yourself. I guess I should open up a few windows and make myself another pot of oats!
Talk to ya later….
Bobby