Dear Diarrhea…

Dear Diarrhea,

I went to my first NASCAR race on Sunday at the Poconos 500 and I have to say it was the loudest experience I’ve had since I used to chase jackhammers back in the late 90’s. It was LOUD! I went to the race as a part of another gig I have with a beer company. I’m not sure I can talk about the details, so I’ll just say that it was one of the most interesting experiences I’ve ever had at a sporting event. It’s hard to imagine that an avid race fan would have normal hearing after just one live race- let alone these mega fans that go to multiple races each year. My ears were ringing, man!

What I noticed the most was the extremely large amounts of beer and cigarettes being ingested by the throngs of drunken fans. If I were a professional aluminum recycleman, the place to go is the infield of any NASCAR race. Never seen so many stacks of empty beer cans. I bet if you placed each can on top of each other it would reach a seriously tall height- maybe the top of the Empire State Building? Not sure, but it would be close. I love when people compare height amounts to the Empire State Building. For once it would be nice to use that famous building in something other than the obvious, like “So many beer cans that it could fill the bottom two floors of the Empire State Building!”… Or, “Enough beer cans to make a huge racket if dropped down the entire State Building’s front steps.”

You’re probably wondering about what I said earlier about me being a jackhammer chaser back in the ‘90’s… Those were crazy times back in the day. I know you’ve heard of storm chasers, those crazy scientists looking for tornados and hurricanes and whatnot- I was into a different game and that was as a non-paid and highly dangerous noise chaser. One day over a good cup of cold Earl Grey tea I’d love to talk your ear off about some of the loud noises I’ve chased over the years. Very interesting noises out there from places you’d NEVER imagine. Fascinating stories indeed. Let me know when you’re bored and available for tea.

Dear Diarrhea,

Back at work after a pretty nice weekend upstate in Rye, NY. I went to a beach club and swam in the Long Island Sound. I drank two tablespoons of salt water to keep things in prospective. Salt water makes me feel young and stupid.

I’m having a bit of a time getting sleep of late and that’s due to me being anxious about work. My new roommate, the very funny Patrick Borelli, told me that he goes to a guy that specializes in something called Hellerwork. At any rate, it’s helped him a lot and I want to try it out. I’ll keep you posted. Sounds really interesting. If you know about it and think that it’s cool, hit me up with your experiences and I’ll be sure to thank you with a large smile.

I bought a used 1998 Subaru Outback for my parents mountain house. It’s a cool car that I want to fix up and keep for a long time. I love that year Outback because the hood looks like it would be fun to touch. I’m a real touchy feely guy and if a hood feels good to me, I’ll buy the car that it’s attached to. Google image the hell out of a green ’98 Outback and tell me your thoughts.

I feel like a severe thunderstorm is nearing the city so I’d better go to a restaurant and find an umbrella from their lost and found. A great way to get a free one is to just say, “I think I left my black umbrella at your establishment a while back. It’s the one with the black handle that has that little button on it that ejects the umbrella out and into the shape of a half moon. It had my initials- RSGFT- written in water colors but might’ve washed off in the last rain storm.” Then the person will be thrown off by the long initials and will just go to their box of discarded umbrellas and hand you the nicest one to get you out of his/her hair.

I will talk to you guys soon!

Some of the best sleep I’ve ever had in my life is in my trailer out here on the Warner Brothers lot in Studio City. It’s the kind of sleep that you had in high school when you found out that you had two more hours to sleep due to a snow delay. That’s how it’s been for me every night for the last eight days. We’re shooting night scenes and that means that my call times are from 8pm to 5 or 6 in the am. All I do is go to my trailer and sleep for a couple of hours at a time. I don’t have to worry about setting an alarm clock either- just like Mom in the day; someone will knock on my door and wake me up whenever I need to actually do something. There’s something about sleeping in a foreign setting that puts my baby-ass to sleep like nothing I’ve experienced before. I think I would do well living out of the 1969 Airstream which is now parked at my parents house in North Carolina. The more I think about it the more I want to move that lug out to Los Angeles and have that as my second home opposite my small dwelling in Greenpoint Brooklyn.

My trip out here has really opened my eyes about singlehood and how free I really am now. I think I’ve done a 180-degree turn with my feelings about being in a long-term relationship. I’m reborn! I’m sleeping in my high school bed again! (That might not be the best analogy.) Also, I had a wonderful slumber party with my great buddies Zach and Miles that reminded me of high school, too. Zach and I slept in his King sized hotel bed while Miles slept beside us in a cot and I had some great sleep that night, too. Way to go, sleep!

It’s now 3am and I took two Rhodiolas to wake up for my scene that I was supposed to be in and now I hear that they are pushing that scene for tomorrow night. I’m now officially jacked-up on alertness and I don’t have anything to do but to write one of my special Dear Diarrheas. You MUST get a hold of some of these Rhodiola herbs! They work wonders! I was sound asleep thirty minutes ago and now I’m wide awake in a very smooth, anti-caffeinated way that only Rhodiola Rosea 500 by Jarrow Formulas can do. I swear by this stuff, ya’ll! (I need to get back into the habit of saying “ya’ll” now that I’m playing a redneck for a couple of days.)

But seriously, I know I keep harping about this herb to everyone I talk to but I think Rhodiola has saved my sanity the last month and a half that I’ve been taking them. Google it and see for yourself all the wonders about this God given gift that grows in the mountainous regions of Eastern Siberia. I think that Jarrow Formulas has the highest potency of this herb available on the market- and I’ve tried a few brands, too. (I got this bottle in an herbal store in Burbank but I think you can get it at any Whole Foods in the greater United States.) I normally take one tablet but tonight I tried two for the first time and WOW what a Vas deferens it makes! And I didn’t even PLAN on using part of the male reproductive anatomy as a play on words there either- it just shot out of my fingers and onto the page!

Anyway, I guess the point I’m trying to make is that I’m happy as a clam right now and I hope this continues and I think it should. I’ve learned a lot about myself these last few months and I really think that things are starting to click into gear for me now. It’s never too late to learn and grow up and I think that that is happening more and more for me as the days go on. I am blessed to have wonderful friends and family and beautiful acquaintances dotting all of the “I’s” and crossing all the “T’s” in my life to help me along in my journey. Thank you to all those people that believe/believed in me and I will return the favor to all of you right now. I’m sending good energy out to the universe in everyone’s name. Hurray for good energy!!!

Gooooooooo Rhodiola!!!!

What have I been up too? I’ve been making a video blog. That’s right, a video blog. Some people call them “vlogs” but I don’t like the way that rolls of the tongue so I’m choosing to stick with what it truly is and that is just plan old; “daily internet video diary/short”. I’m taking the word blog out of the equation too. The word “blog” sounds like something you would call a lump of wet insulation being exposed to the elements. Here’s an example…

A couple of hard working construction workers are knocking down a wall. They shine their flashlights into the hole they made and notice a compacted mush of old and wet insulation collecting mildew

WORKER 1: Man, there sure is a lot of blog in here.

WORKER 2: Don’t look at me, dude. I had blog duty last week. Bossman said I was done shoveling the blog and that you had blog duty this week.

WORKER 1: Man, you suck! Did you remove it by hand the old fashion way or did you use a vacuum?

WORKER 2: Are you kidding me? I used a vlog and sucked that shit right outta there! The old fashion way?… You’re killing me kid.

I don’t know what my daily video diary/short will turn out to be but I think it’s time to capitalize on what technology has provided me along with every person in the world that has a voice to be heard. I’ve had a few people ask me to do a video blog and after a long conversation with my new roommate about the topic I decided to pull the trigger. So last week I’ve been shooting a bunch of little videos and they will launch by the end of this week on my comedy myspace page. My URL is: http://myspace.com/bobbytisdalecomedy

People should know what I look like and how I talk. They’re going to get that now. I’m going to expose myself to the masses. It’s time to get the party started!

What else…. Hummmm? I’ve been doing my Sunday night bingo at Black Rabbit Bar in Greenpoint that’s been super fun. I hope if you are in the greater New York area that you will stop by for some bingo fun. The name of my show is “Bingo Bobby And The O-69′s” and it’s every Sunday from 7-10PM. All that information is posted on my schedule on myspace comedy page as well. (I have two accounts with myspace so go to my comedy one and befriend me there)

Out of all of the comedy I’ve done that requires using a microphone and the use of a live audience I’d say that calling bingo might rank right up there as one of my all time favorite things in life to do.” (That didn’t make much sense but I think you get the point)

I seriously LOVE calling bingo matches. Starting now- I’m officially calling bingo games “bingo matches”. You heard it here first! See what a good old fashion hand written blog will get you! Trust me, I will always be writing my Dear Diarrheas. That will never change.

Anyway, I just wanted to let everyone know what the new me is doing lately. I miss talking to you via Dear Diarrhea and now at the end of the week we can start REALLY talking to each other. YAY!!!! I can’t wait for you to see me on a daily basis! I’ll try to put my face on so I look my best for you as well!

I’ll see YOU- or better yet, YOU’LL see ME at the end of the week. Be well and I hope everyone is healthy and happy.